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And I get it, it really might feel like an encouraging thing to say. The underlying meaning is, "I think you're awesome just the way you are, and others will, too. The very thing that's attractive about "being yourself" is that you are not aware of yourself when you're in that state. The advice to "just be yourself" then has the opposite effect, since it puts your attention back on you -- exactly where you don't want it! Try this instead: The whole point of going on a date is to get to know someone else, not to think about you. So instead of thinking about how you are behaving and trying to make sure that you are "being yourself," address your attention to the other person, and the situation you are in.

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